


escalation

by KillMeNow



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Dave Strider Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Earth C (Homestuck), Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Trans Dave Strider, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, he has a really unhealthy relationship with sex, i wanna be very clear this has a lot of talk about csa so if thats an issue for you please dont read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:09:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24878977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillMeNow/pseuds/KillMeNow
Summary: Dave has a very, very unhealthy way of dealing with traumas he hasn't told Karkat about. Karkat is concerned, and brings it up.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 2
Kudos: 82





	escalation

**Author's Note:**

> im a sucker for hurt/comfort, it's one of my favorite things to write.  
> also, i plan on finishing re-learning soon, sorry its taking so long! ive just felt really unmotivated to write the last bit of it and ive been putting all my focus into the much longer fic im working on.   
> anyway, enjoy this angsty mess of self projection.

You’re not stupid, alright? You noticed the pattern a while ago, in all honesty, but you came up with a billion reasons to excuse it in your head. There was a glaring, obvious answer to why Dave kept doing it. But thinking about that reason made you feel incredibly mad and slightly ill. Every time you and Dave have had sex, everytime you’ve explored some new kink or fetish, Dave has tried to escalate it. Like, you were roughing him around like he usually enjoyed, and then he asked you to  _ smash him so hard into the wall his nose would break _ . He had been doing it for years, trying in his weird way to get you to do fucked up things to him that were usually so violent they wouldn’t even be considered pitch. 

You had assumed it was a human thing at first. That maybe they just had sex in a much more violent way- But that didn’t really make sense with everything you knew about humans, and after mentioning it offhandedly to Kanaya and getting nothing but concern, that idea was fully ruled out. 

The other thing you noticed with Dave was that when on the few occasions you did indulge him, got far rougher than you were comfortable with, he didn’t even seem to enjoy it. All he’d do was get that weird glassy look in his eyes. That look was what tipped you off, in all honesty. You wish you could say that you were just an incredible emotional genius of a matesprit, and knew instantly what was wrong, but it took what was practically a slap in the face to make you come to your final, horrifying conclusion.

It was something to do with  _ Bro. _

You hate that motherfucker so much it feels like your insides are boiling every time you think about him. Dave was so fucked up by him and all the shit he did. You knew about some stuff, but it was obvious there were other things he wasn’t telling you. And the idea of that scared the shit out of you. Dave had told you about the time he had been locked in his room for a week, and he had to climb out of his window to try and get to the street and get food, only to get beat until he almost died when he got back. He had told you about the stairs and how his weird obsession with them stemmed from frequently being TOSSED DOWN MULTIPLE FLIGHTS of them and ending up crumpled and broken on the floor of a stairwell. If he had told you that stuff, then the idea of how bad the other stuff he hadn’t told you was nauseating. 

Of course, you have no class when it comes to bringing up concerns. You’re blunt and have a tendency to mention things in very awkward ways. (At least it's better than Dave’s method of just ignoring a problem and hoping it goes away.) As such, it’s no surprise that when you do finally bring it up, it’s not with much elegance.

“Did your brother ever sexually abuse you?” Holy shit. The instant those words are out of your mouth you regret it, because the way you see Dave’s shoulders tense and his hands shake and his eyes widen for just a fraction of a second tells you that you should have workshopped that opening statement more. The Ps4 controller drops out of his hands and onto the couch. 

“I- Wh- You-,” He’s stammering, and he looks frozen. You slap a hand onto your forehead.

“Jesus, my idiocy knows no bounds. That was a horrible way to ask. Uh, it’s okay. Don’t freak out,” You inch closer to him and slowly move to put your hand on his shoulder, making sure he can tell what you’re doing. You are rewarded with a slight chuckle from him, which is good.

“Yeah, uh, not exactly a fun topic for when we’re trying to play video games, but it’s cool. I get you didn’t mean anything bad by it. Wh- Uh, why do you ask?,” He’s squirming in his seat so hard that you don’t need to hear him say it to know the answer to your question.

“I noticed you have some tendencies that were concerning and I did research to try to figure it out because I knew there was no way in hell you’d give me a straight answer if I just fucking asked. I was concerned, okay? I’m allowed to be concerned when my matesprit won’t stop asking me to do things to him that are way intense for human standards and even too intense for most pitch activities,” You’re rambling slightly, but you don’t notice. His shades are off, as they usually are nowadays, and you can read his expression like a book you’ve looked over a thousand times. There’s a slight twitch to his eyes that he only gets when he’s on the verge of a major freak out.

“I- Fuck, alright. Are we really gonna talk about this? Do we have to? Is this one of those conversations I can just decline happening?”

“Yes, Dave, we’re going to talk about this.”

“Fine. Ugh, okay,” He leans back and hits his head against the wall. “Yes, I guess. To answer your question. He… Did do some stuff. Sometimes. Whenever he was drunk. He didn’t do it as often after I started transitioning. It was mostly when I was…. Pretty young.”

You feel sick again. Dave started transitioning when he was 9 or 10, how young was he when he first… The thought is a little too much, so you push it out of your head and try to focus on what he’s saying.

“He liked things rough. Punishing. It was never any pleasure, never anything enjoyable. He got off on beating the fuck out of me and fucking me while I was limp and barely breathing. It was all I was used to. I didn’t even… I just thought that was what sex was  _ like.  _ I didn’t even know that was wrong until the first time we did anything and you were so gentle. It just felt.. Wrong. For me to enjoy anything. I was so used to being  _ used _ that the idea of any of it being for my enjoyment too is just… A lot. I feel like I don’t... I dunno. Like I don’t deserve it.”

His eyes are glazed over and the way he’s just talking about all of it without crying makes you confident he’s borderline dissociating. You pull him close and press his head against your chest in the way he likes when he’s upset. He lets out a small, shuddering noise and finally breaks down. You can feel his tears staining your shirt and you just pull him into your lap, holding him tight.

“I want you to enjoy things we do. That’s most of the appeal for me, honestly, is seeing you enjoy yourself. I don’t ever want to be like that fucking asshole. You deserve so much better than that.” He feels so small when you’re holding him like this, when he’s crying and vulnerable. You feel privileged, in a weird way, that you get to see him like this. He doesn’t respond, just continues crying his eyes out, and you rub small circles between his shoulders while your body makes coos and chitters that are designed for pale comfort. “I love you so much. Please, don’t try to get me to hurt you, okay? I don’t wanna make sex punishment.” 

He’s nodding and you’re pretty sure that’s the most response you’ll be getting. You stand up and carry him gently to your bedroom and lay him down. He looks up at you with teary eyes and you see his hands grab back for you, so you lay down next to him and hold him close again. You two fall asleep like that, tangled in each others arms. You know this is going to be an ongoing issue, something you’ll have to continue to work on over time, but something in you tells you that it’ll be okay. You love him too much to think otherwise.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr @cousin-mu


End file.
